He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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