Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
