No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My cat gives me a boner
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize