Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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