marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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