so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
