Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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