I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
