The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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