i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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