So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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