He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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