I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize