I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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