Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize