Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
