i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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