Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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