life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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