You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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