Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
