We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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