my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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