I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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