I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
