im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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