he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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