For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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