I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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