I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
