it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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