You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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