I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
