I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
