the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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