so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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