There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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