Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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