yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
its liver damage thursday
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
