Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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