I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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