Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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