she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
