After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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