are you so shy because you have an std?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize