if you like me you must not know who I am
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
