Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
