Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
