In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
