I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
