You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize