I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
