if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
