Acid is not a monday night drug
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
