well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
