Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
