why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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