Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
