so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
