her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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