nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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