Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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