she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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