just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im six kinds of drunk right now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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