Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
