Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
