'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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