I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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