he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
