So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize