He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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