Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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