??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
