Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
