Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
