Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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