The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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