just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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