oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
