dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize