i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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