Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
