When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
