Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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