I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
try to milk me bitch
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