God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
