Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize