Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
