Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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