Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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