One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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