He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
