I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
