You can't special order awesome
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
