the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
