not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
